Fractured - Pseudo Atmosphere

WRITER: Bhavya Kaushik

SOURCE: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150435986664515

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“Day one, Day one – start all over again. Step one, step one – I’m barely making sense….”

 

 

My alarm tone (Not as we by Alanis Morissette) began to echo the room as clock turned to 5 in the morning. I’m a morning person and I feel proud about it! I love to wake up early, partly also because I love that vivid silence in the morning hours. Let it be silence in the real world where everyone finds coziness in their blankets or the silence in virtual world where I get some alone time to answer all my pending mails of the previous day or to interact with my early bird friends.

 

 

I was a little reluctant to wake up (trust me, that rarely happens). As if my soul knew that today was going to a difficult, a different day. And indeed, it was.

 

 

Every morning after waking up and before coming into my full consciousness, there are these little moments in time, fragments of space. Before reality strikes in, before I realize where my life is leading itself. There is that duration of 10 seconds, when everything is at its perfection. When no one has left anyone, no one has walked out of anyone’s life, when no one is dead. When I’m content and surrounded by positivity. But soon, the span of those 10 seconds collides with reality and all the facts come crawling back into my bed. That makes me sad, that makes me unwilling to go and carry on the entire day with a smile on my face. That makes me angry. I look at my uncharged phone, and that makes me angry. I look at my schedule of the day, and that makes me angry. I open my door, and the sound of it makes me angry too. I turn on the lights, and that makes me angry too. I travel, and the traffic with all those noises makes me angry. I walk around the hallways of this place, like I have been walking everyday from past 3 years, and that makes me angry. I interact with morons and lunatics, and that makes me angry. I feel like I’m stuck, between the axis of space and time – I feel like I’m that static co-ordinate that has been at its place since forever; And that makes me angry. The anger reciprocates with every second and with every thought.

 

 

I assume that the anger must have reached at its saturation today, as I somehow realized that I’ve been angry from a very long time now. There comes a time in our lives when we come to this conclusion that the life given to us in not what we deserve. I have always known this fact deep down in my mind that I deserved more than the life given to me and I should make an effort to change it.

 

 

At night, I sat down in the middle of the fractured atmosphere to gaze the stars above. While I was trying to figure out the shape of some strange anonymous constellation, the flashbacks of my life started running at the skyline, like an animated movie. My imagination met with my memories. I just sat there, while enjoying the view and thought….thought about almost everything and anything in my life. I thought about almost every significant or insignificant person in my life. In the end, I came up with many conclusions.

 

 

A person doesn’t get enlightened in a day, but a day is more than enough to change the perception of one’s about his/her life.

 

What is Life?

 

Life is not a series of events which happen during the course of our existence in this world. Life is not something that can be transferred, and certainly not something which cannot be understood. Life is something which you define for yourself. There is no constant or universal definition of life. You live your life and I live mine. You can not define or judge my life, and neither can I do with yours.  Life is simple; it is we who makes it so complicated.

 

Life is…. (Undefined and unwritten)

 

 

We all have loved and lost. There are people I know who regret losing their loved ones to the finality of death, and I know many who have lost the people they loved deeply because of some other causes. Whatever the reason is, losing someone who is so near to you hurts. It hurts our soul, because when we love someone truly and deeply, then they become a part of us and when we lose them, we also lose that part of us with them. That fragment of ours never comes back and then we begin to feel incomplete.

 

 

What I say is that there is no shame in holding a broken heart. A broken heart is a symbol of passion; it means that you tried for something. But holding on to a person who has left you, is also impractical because sometimes, in the process of holding onto someone else’s memory and life, we end up losing ourselves to this world. And when that happens, when we lose ourselves in the process on holding someone else – then everything else disappears and our life turns to a dead-end.

 

 

We should remember that everyone enters our life because of a reason. Not everyone can be your soul mate. People come for a reason and when their work is fulfilled, they silently leave out of your life. It doesn’t mean that they are good or bad, it just means that their role in your life is over and you should also move on with yours. Everyone writes their own fate, we are all the creator of our destiny and we are the in-charge of ourselves. We do not own the life of anyone else. So, when their work is done, why do we say that they have left us? For the fact is that, we never really had them entirely on the first place.

 

 

Nobody loses anyone, because nobody owns anyone. We all are the writers of our lives and when we begin to write on a different book, it doesn’t mean that we own that book or that chapter. It just means that we have to play a part in the writing of that book. When our part is over, then the book would be passed to someone else to write their story. We never had that book entirely to ourselves on the first place. We never own anyone’s life to us in this world and that is why we never lose anyone to this world.

 

 

I have heard a lot of people saying that they have lost themselves to this world and they can’t find their soul back. I agree to it, because I have gone through something similar myself. The easier it is to lose yourself, the harder it is to find your lost soul again. But ironically, the best way to find you is by first losing yourself to this world.

There have been times, when we feel that we are like the blank space between two words, which has no meaning of its own. Sometimes, we feel insignificant. But humans have been created to face all the obstacles that their life has to offer, so that it can bring out the best in us.

 

 

Before going to bed tonight, I look at myself and then I look at the rest of the world and I wonder why this world was even created at the first place. Though there has been a lot to wonder, but what I know for sure is that no wound, no fracture in our soul is so strong that it cannot be healed with love. People say that time heals every wound, but I do not think so. Time doesn’t heal anything, though it makes us stronger or sometimes distracts us with other things in our lives. If you keep a wound in your life as it is and will allow time to make it better, then it won’t work, because time doesn’t heal a wound – Love does.

 

 

When you start to love yourself and your life, then every wound and every fracture inside your soul gets healed, if only you will allow it to. If only, you will say “yes” to love and to life. So, say “yes” – to all the possibilities that life has to offer, and never regret any person or any moment in your life. Because at the end of it all, you only get one life to live and thus only one life to love!